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Beatitudes for Those Who Serve the Young Church

January 16, 2011 By 2 Comments

Blessed are you who give your lives to serve young people, especially when your efforts don’t seem to bear fruit, for you possess the generous spirit of Christ.

Blessed are you who recognize and call forth the gifts in youth often buried beneath layers of anger, distrust and abandonment, for you possess the mouth of Christ.

Blessed are you who see and affirm the goodness in every kid, especially those who are entitled, apathetic and abrasive–for you possess the eyes of Christ.

Blessed are you who are a safe place for young people, especially those who have experienced abuse, neglect and violence, for you possess the healing presence of Christ.

Blessed are you who pray for young people, especially those who don’t know God, who do not want to know God and don’t want anything to do with anyone who has anything to do with God, for you possess the soul of Christ.

Blessed are you who risk loving young people, knowing that they will sometimes disappoint you and hurt you, for you possess the heart of Christ.

Blessed are you when you feel patronized by those insisting that you just “play with kids”, “Only work from 8-3 and get three months of summer vacation” for you do possess A REAL JOB and yours is the humility of Christ.

Blessed are you who feel unvalued, unappreciated and unsupported by pastors, boards, councils and administrators for you possess the enduring spirit of Christ.

Blessed are you who at times leave behind home and family to bring young people to places where they can hear God’s “still small voice” for you possess the sacrificial spirit of Christ.

Blessed are you who persevere in your ministry, especially in the months of March, April and May when you think “I don’t get paid enough to do this” for yours is the Kingdom of Heaven.

Blessed are you when parents doubt you, and talk about you at soccer practice and utter every sort of evil into your voicemail—Rejoice and be glad for your reward will be great in heaven–’cause its sure won’t be in your paycheck!.

(Inspired by the “Beatitudes for Teachers” SPICE Conference 2010, ACSTA.)

Roy Petitfils is a counselor intern at Pax Renewal Center in Lafayette. He has written three books and is a sought after presenter and facilitator for conferences and retreats. Contact him at roypetitfils@yahoo.com)

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Complacency in Ministry and the Spiritual Life

October 11, 2010 By 3 Comments

Two bloggers I read regularly both posted recently on various aspects of complacency in the spirtual life and ministry.

Mike Patin, sudoku ninja, speaker and author, who is emceeing this year’s National Conference on Catholic Youth Ministry in New Orleans, LA  (and in 2011 will IStock_000001547146XSmall-1 be Keynoting the National Catholic Youth Conference in Indianapolis, IN) blogged on the temptation to grow complacent in the spiritual life:

“It is really easy for me with life’s brisk pace, as well as having a “job” that has a spiritual side to it, to get  complacent.  It is so easy to lose focus on God and family, both of whom are SO CLOSE that I can forget to share love, and time, and possessions with them as well as others who are close and who come across my path. It’s like I fall in love with my activity more than God and the people I am given to show his love.”

Read his whole post. Its great, especially the quote about from the Patriots Superbowl Lockerroom.

Josh Griffin, who blogs at More than Dodgeball, reminds ministers that we will never “arrive.” There will be no point when all God’s work is done and we can relax. We must continue growing, stretching and learning. There will always be challenges and opportunities to follow Christ more closely and love him more deeply. Josh writes:

You may get closer to the goal, but you’ll never really get there. You’re not supposed to. You need to be OK with that fact. Youth ministry is about seasons of success, seasons of failure, busy seasons and busier seasons. Youth ministry is good, bad and ugly all wrapped into one. You will never arrive – God’s church and your leadership will always be a work in progress. Read the whole post here.



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Influencing Youth-Be Present

September 25, 2010 By Leave a Comment

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Five Practical Tips for Farming Rocks

September 24, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Consult. Professional counselors, other more experienced parents you trust to gauge the severity of the issue. Sometimes we feel weak and insufficient by asking others for help. There is NO instruction manual. The best parents, teachers and ministers did not grow in a vacuum–their growth is a result of shared wisdom.

Reflect on your experience. If applicable, how did you deal with this or a similar issue? What lessons did you learn? What did others do for you that seemed helpful? What did others do for you that didn’t work?

Pray. Sometimes this most obvious of solutions gets tossed aside because it seems impractical. Allow God the Wonder Counselor to comment on the situation and offer his two cents.

Learn. I amazes me how many people complain about not understanding  kids but don’t read books, blogs, listen to CD’s, mp3′s or attend workshops and seminars.  One more episode of reality TV is not going to improve your parenting skills nor will it improve your understanding of or connection with youth. Ask yourself this question “How much growth would come from me spending 10 minutes a day listening to or reading helpful information about my child?” I’ll give you the answer–ALOT! Here are some great resources to get you started.

Mark Oestreicher’s blog

Catholic Youth Ministry Blog

Jim Leibalts Youth Culture Update

Pax Renewal Center

Life Teen

Tina Hart

Communicate. Start by asking “Help me understand this. Please. Mom (dad, or other) really wants to understand what’s going on, and if necessary help. But we need your help to understand ______ (insert issue).” Often the young person themselves may not understand what’s going on, or more commonly, have the language to express it. Suggest the possibility of visiting with someone who might help “us” understand the issue—not fix it. Youth don’t want to be fixed. They want to be understood, accepted and loved. But…don’t we all?

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Farming Rocks

September 24, 2010 By 1 Comment

For a people who sustained themselves on their own produce, the multitude of rocks strewn throughout their farmland made no sense. Even amateur gardeners know that rocks impede root formation in plants.

Yet the ancient tribe of Anastasi Indians who, centuries ago, inhabited the now desolate Easter Island, learned to grow their food amidst rocky soil. To make matters more confusing scientists recently discovered that the Anastasi could have easily removed the rocks. They didn’t just tolerate the rocks–they farmed them.

In researching other semi-arid places like Easter island such as Chile and Peru, scientists discovered that in certain semi-arid regions rocky soil actually enhances plant growth.

Rocks as Fertilizer

The rocks, both large and small, absorb moisture and release it during times of intense heat and dryness. The rocks retain heat which provides warmth on cold nights, and they contain vital minerals and nutrients which fertilize plants when released. When the Anastasi began farming the rocks–moving, spreading and adjusting them, they reaped a 400% increase in crop yield.

Have you ever thought, “If only I could only overcome this sin, I’d really be holy” or “I would really be able to connect better with God if _______ (insert any struggle, adversity or wound) didn’t exist.”

Most people do. And they don’t stop with themselves. They carry over their spiritual perfectionism into the lives of others—especially young people.

Spiritual Perfectionism

In a desire to protect kids from themselves, others and life, many adults can act as though bearing Christian fruit only happens by eradicating from life’s soil all that is sinful, messy and painful. The sheer impossibility of that leaves many, once enthusiastic, hope filled adults feeling frustrated and discouraged.

Even worse, the youth who cannot attain such unrealistic perfection grow resentful at best or apathetic at worst. Young people know there is more to following Christ than vice eradication and smooth soil. If you come to them with that agenda youth will resist, run and rebel. And worse, they’ll lose respect for you and the faith you represent.

I don’t suggest turning a blind eye to the wounds, problems and other serious issues in the lives of young people. There are issues that merit immediate action. Outside of those, it is critical that we, like the ancient Anastasi, patiently work with and among the rocks which in time yield fruits of compassion, empathy and service.

Click here to learn five things you can do today to help youth grow and mature amidst their “rocks.”

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Relevant Radio Interview about Mother Teresa

September 23, 2010 By 1 Comment

 

Click here to listen to my interview on Relevant Radio about Mother Teresa's 100th Birthday 

Click the player above to listen to an interview with Sean Hariot of Relevant Radio's Morning Air program about  MotherMotherteresatimemag Teresa's legacy as we commemorated her would be 100th birthday.  Relevant radio images

 

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Five Tips for Influencing Youth

September 11, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Have you ever thought “I wish _____ (insert the name of any young person) would listen to me and take more of my advice.”?

Whether we are parents, educators or ministers, we all wish we could exert more influence over the young people in our lives.  There are five things you can  do today to make that happen.

1. Be Accepting. Some confuse the word acceptance with approval. We can accept a young person while not agreeing with certain things they do or believe. Jesus spent a lot of time with people whose behavior he could not condone, but he did not let their sin prevent him from loving and accepting them. Only when youth experience our total acceptance will they consider our beliefs about spirituality and lifestyle choices.

2. Be Present. Young people notice when we are “going through the motions” or mindlessly saying “uh huh” or “head bobbing.” When youth feel we are not really “with” them, but instead are mentally wandering they become resistant and distant.

3. Be Yourself. When I first started working with kids, my attempts to speak their slang often came off as foolish and cost me their respect. While it is important to be familiar with youth culture it is crucial that we remain true to who we are. Young people have enough buddies. What they need and crave are meaningful relationships with mature and healthy adults.

4. Be Vulnerable. Young people know we don’t have it all together. And while we must maintain healthy boundaries when we self-disclose, it is essential that they have a glimpse into our brokenness. It is in our brokenness that they experience our humanity. Be human, be broken, be vulnerable and you’ll be very influential in their lives.

5. Be Interested. To be interesting, be interested. Although youth send signals to the contrary, they want adults to take a sincere interest in them. We do this by asking thoughtful, respectful and open-ended questions about them, their culture and what’s going  on in their lives. And when they risk sharing with you refer back to #1–be accepting!

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Localizing the Pain

July 27, 2010 By 1 Comment

The night after Christmas I
brought my 4-month-old son Benjamin crying to the ER
AG_Baby_in_hands after enduring hours of
uncontrollable crying, and a myriad of futile attempts to soothe him. As
pediatrician examined him, he applied eye drops, and asked the nurse turn off
the light. Holding a black light over his face he said, “Aha” and pointing to
Ben’s left eye “He has a corneal abrasion.”  

I would have never guessed that something was wrong
with his eye. I was certain he was having digestive problems. The veteran doc
sensed our bewilderment. He explained, “When babies flail their arms they sometimes
inadvertently scratch their eyes. Because of their lack of language and motor
skills, they cannot point to what hurts
nor can they tell us what hurts. In other words, they cannot localize their pain.”  


Like infants, there are
times when we are hurting and cannot detect the source of our pain. Times when a
little “Tylenol” will not do the trick. 
Times when we’ve run up against something less obvious and treating it
means first identifying its source.

This is when many seek the
help of counselors and spiritual directors.  Unable to fix what’s wrong, exploring the possibility of a spiritual
and emotional cause seems to be a sensible course of action. This can be a scary process.

The prospect of exploring wounds is scary. We’re afraid of uncovering painful stuff
we’ve gladly left behind. I know because for the last fifteen years I’ve done
just that. With the help of amazing counselors, spiritual directors and the
support of my wife and friends I’ve looked beneath the dark blanket of
depression, over the cliffs of fear and anxiety and walked into the raging
waters of grief—again, and again, and again.

Each time I’ve sought to
“localize” my pain I’ve discovered the Lord in a new way. Each journey to the
source of hurt has led me to an even more powerful source of life—God, who had
beat me to the scene. Every single time God meets me to shine light into my
darkness, hold me as I peered over the edge the abyss of abandonment and fear
and walks with me into the roaring waters of sadness and loss.

Ironically, the very thing I
feared would cripple me, freed me to walk into new life, deeper levels of
intimacy and allowed me greater availability to serve others.


 Localizing our pain will
always lead us to localize the power of God’s healing grace, already at work in
our lives.   

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Knowing that I Need Jesus

April 20, 2010 By Leave a Comment

The story of Jairus' daughter highlights two people who needed Jesus. They illustrate for us the amazing things that can happen in our lives when we are deeply aware of our need for God's grace in our lives.

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Kids are NOT the FUTURE of the Church

April 12, 2010 By 2 Comments

Research shows that 85% of our “church going” young people will leave the Church after they
graduate from high school. And while there are many reasons for this, one way I
think we can help turn that tide is by making some subtle shifts in our
language.

We say: “Youth are the future of the church.”

What kids hear: “You are in an indefinite holding pattern
in the sky above real Christian life. Until you’re cleared for landing, shut
up, do what you’re told, don’t complain about how boring Church is and be
grateful you’ve got a guitar at the Sunday evening Mass.”

Try this instead: “You are the Young Church. You offer unique gifts and a bright light our
Church needs today. I encourage you to be creative and courageous in how you
share these. Your Baptism was not a guest pass. You are not visitors in mom’s,
dad’s and Father’s Church. This is your Church. It’s your responsibility to
stake your claim in it.”

We say: “You can make a difference.”

What kids hear: “You don’t make a difference now. One day
your time will come. For now, it doesn’t matter what you do, because it
won’t make a ‘difference’ till later anyway. When you’re older, less rebellious
and more polite you’ll have something worthwhile to offer.”

Try this instead: “You DO make a difference today.
The world is different instant because you are here. What you choose to do and
not do has consequences even if you are not aware of what they are.”

We say: “Someday, you’re gonna’ be somebody.”

What kids hear:
“You’re a seedling who’s time will one day come. If you work hard
enough, dress better and clean up your act you may amount to something. Good
luck and let us know how it turns out!”

Try this: “You don’t have to wait to be remarkable–you already are. If you think you have to wait before you can
share your gifts with the world its only because you don’t believe they’re
worth sharing today. You’re wrong. And I commit (only say this if you mean it)
to walking with you and helping you discover and utilize your gifts.”

What people really hear is more important than what we intend to convey. The diaspora of young people will not be reversed
by a simple change in our language. But changing our language will help. What
else can we do to keep young people engaged in the Church after high school?
(email me at roypetitfils@yahoo.com or lets discuss it on Facebook.

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