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Prayer and Unmatched Socks

November 10, 2011 By 1 Comment

Prayer time often feels like an unsuccessful sifting through my basket of unmatched socks, saying “screw it”, throwing all of my unmatched socks in the trash and heading to Wal Mart to buy a new batch.

Today was much the same. Of the 50 minutes I sat on the couch in my office to pray my time was spent roughly like this:

20 minutes thinking about the stuff I have to get done.

3 minutes looking for the perfect pen and paper to record these interruptions.

2 minutes doodling because I’d forgotten what I wanted to remember.

5 minutes beating myself up for things that won’t get done or done to my perfectionist standards.

1 minute feeling guilty that my wife has to work and I don’t provide enough for her to stay home with our youngest son.

1 minute thinking about emails I received about my last article telling me how wonderful I am.

1 minute thinking about a recent Facebook post which prompted one person to message me suggesting I’ve forsaken my faith and God and were pretty sure I was on the verge of inventing a new heresy.

1 minute on my iPhone looking for an app on prayer.

Laughed when I thought about my friend choking on a piece of pizza last night when his mother in law greeted me saying “I hear you’re a renowned speaker. And then seeing my wife’s face which indicated she could substitute a number of other words for ‘speaker’ and knowing she’d be more correct.

Felt a sudden pain in my side and worried for several minutes I was having appendicitis.

Realized it was a result of the bologna sandwich, cheese puffs and diet coke I had slammed down for lunch in honor of my late cousin Howard–whom when we were four I allegedly (according to HIS mother) slammed a real phone over his head for finishing his cheese puffs and reaching into my plate and taking two of mine. Belly laughed out loud because I’d nearly done it again three years ago when we were 34.

Concluded I wasn’t praying well and I should do something productive.

Stood up and threw darts—missed the board, hit my damn diploma and sat back down to give God another chance.

Felt sad. Sensed God put his arm around me and say nothing.

Started to cry.

Stopped crying.

Sensed God say, “I’m really sorry about Howard.”

Nodded, and said “Its good to know you noticed and care.”

Felt awkward, thought about changing the subject to darts, but couldn’t bear to hear God validate the fact that I suck at darts.

Heard God say, “I know how much you loved him. I can’t imagine how much you miss him.”

Started crying again.

Got up to start working and said “I may not be here tomorrow, or the next day. And Sunday, as you know I focus more on the boys than I do you, so… maybe Monday?”

God smiled.

“But I may be back tomorrow, it just depends how I feel.” I said.

Sensed God say, “I’ve got an iEverything now and have Hanging with Friends and Angry Birds, so I have plenty to keep me busy while I wait. Don’t worry about me. I’m good. I’ll be here when you’re ready.”

“Thanks.”

Prayer: Lord, help me to pray as I can, not as I cannot. Amen.

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Four Reasons We Avoid Prayer

July 20, 2011 By Leave a Comment

There are times when it is easy to pray and there are times in all of our lives when we cannot make ourselves pray, no matter how bad we may want to or try.

When I find it hardest to show up to spend time with God, I’m usually battling one of the four enemies of prayer.

1. Noise. Mother Teresa said “God speaks in the silence of the heart.” From iPods to iPhones we are inundated with noise. It is difficult to hear God’s “still small voice” in our noisy lives.  While this doesn’t mean that we must adopt the lifestyle of a monk, we might consider seeking out times during our day where we can be with God in silence.

2. Busy-ness. When we are in “busy” mode, we are usually in productive and efficient mode. Prayer is neither. It is a relationship. And when our schedules get tight, prayer is usually the first thing to go When we make prayer our highest priority, we may not get as many things done, but we are more likely to get the right things done.

3. Being in a Hurry. The first cousin of busy-ness is being in hurry. When we are busy we often try to move faster. It’s difficult to have a meaningful conversation when we’re preoccupied with the next thing on our “to do” list. God wants to converse with us on the deepest levels. When we slow down long enough we are more likely to hear God’s Standing Invitation to intimacy.

4. Past Hurts. We often underestimate the power of broken relationships, abuse, loss, grief, illness and disappointment. Slowing down enables us to quiet our hearts and gives the pain a chance to capture our attention. No one likes to hurt, and so we avoid, often unconsciously, memories of past hurts which bring that pain into our present moment. Prayer is the safest of places to bring our hurts, wounds and disappointments. It is a place where God seeks to reaffirm his love for us and lead us through the process of healing and forgiveness.

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Sudoku Ninja

September 11, 2010 By Leave a Comment

(My friend and mentor Mike Patin posted this great reflection on his blog. Mike will be emceeing the National Conference for Catholic Youth Ministry in New Orleans on December 2-9, 2010.)

My latest diversion is doing Sudoku puzzles.

I’ve seen the puzzles often but I’ve never picked them up. Three weeks ago I tried my first one on a long plane ride home. I didn’t finish. I was getting frustrated at my inability to get it…and get it quickly.  Even more frustrating was the fact that I put down the Sudoku and picked up a crossword puzzle—and finished it in 9 minutes!

I took the unfinished Sudoku with me and found myself drawn back to it in the next few weeks. I would get really close to the solution and then catch a big mistake.  That first puzzle took me over 2 weeks to finish. It’s ragged from the eraser marks and wear and tear (who does these things in INK???).

I asked my daughter and one of my nephews, both of whom are good in math, to show me some tricks or clues because I knew it shouldn’t take me THAT long.  Both patiently tried to explain what they looked for and how they “reasoned.”  The looked at the puzzle in a completely different way than I did.  It was almost like there was another dimension I wasn’t considering.

Life, for me, is a lot like Sudoku.  I don’t like a lot of blank spots.  Often I am arrogant, thinking I have a great strategy but I limit, confuse or sabotage my success when focusing on speed rather than letting answers show themselves.  I’m not patient when answers don’t come quickly Life is filled with struggle (frustration and eraser marks).  Sometimes starting over from the beginning and the basics are a good way to patiently work at the puzzle.

My family has quite a year ahead.  My daughter is facing choices about college, her major, and the future in general. My wife and I are looking ahead to our future—where we’ll work and live.  I wish the answers were laid out clearly like a recipe (Step 1….then Step 2).  Life is more like Sudoku than a recipe.

I do Sudoku 2-3 times a week; it’s become a spiritual exercise of sorts for me.  It reminds me that life’s struggles and answers are more about PROCESS, PERSPECTIVE and REASONING.  I have to slow down and take a good look around.  Mistakes are likely.  I also remember there is another dimension—FAITH—to consider.

I won’t give up.  Answers will come.

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My Favorite Prayers

August 10, 2010 By 4 Comments

Mikes Book CoverI was recently tagged by Scott Miller of the Catholic Youth Ministry Blog, and asked to list my three favorite prayers. These prayers have, and continue to draw me into a spirit of prayer:

1. The Peace Prayer (of St. Francis)

2. The Fragrance Prayer (by St. John Neuman)

3. The Angelus

So, Mike Patin (who has compiled a great book of prayers entitled A Standing Invitation), Lisa Beidenbach (St. Anthony Messenger Press), Frank Mercadante (Cultivation Ministries), Becky Elderedge  (Everything is Holy Now Blog), Jim Beckman (Impact Center), Jeff Young (The "Catholic Foodie") and Brian Butler (Dumb Ox Productions) lets hear it. What's your three favorite or "go to" prayers?

And so, my dear friends who honor me by reading  this blog, what are your three favorite prayers? Please comment below, Facebook it (tag me) or blog it away!

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Stewards of Dreams

April 13, 2010 By Leave a Comment

One evening while helping me sign books, my four-year-old
son Max says, “Daddy, I wonduh if when I get bigguh, I could write a book like you?”

Now, I could have brought him down to earth and said: “That’s
nice buddy. One day you might.”

Instead, I leaned toward him and said “You don’t have to be ‘bigguh’
to write a book little man. You can write one NOW!” Beaming, he sprinted to his desk, grabbed a pair of
scissors, a red Sharpie and self published four books entitled Mom, Dad, Ben and Max. He proudly mounted
each of his two page books on the wall next to my bed using no small amount of
duct tape.

It would be easy to write off Max’s youthful ambitions as “cute”
while in the back of our minds thinking that one day he’ll grow up and have
serious dreams that aren’t so easily achieved.

Childhood dreams get “bigguh” and more complicated. But we
should not confuse their early simplicity with insignificance.

As adults we are tempted to believe that experience is life’s
only teacher. In other words, the important things in life occur when we get “bigguh.” Yet the lives of many young saints prove this to be false.

By noticing and encouraging childhood dreams we help young
people identify the early sounds of God’s creative voice in them.

God’s language evolves as we grow—today’s scrap paper book evolves into tomorrow’s
mission experience. But, God’s still, small voice remains the same. And the earlier we teach kids to
recognize it and listen to it, the more likely they’ll do the same when they
get bigguh and are swimming in an ocean of voices calling for their attention.

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Constructive vs. Destructive Anger

October 25, 2009 By 5 Comments

In this weekend’s gospel we get a rare glimpse Jesus experiencing a common human emotion: anger. Growing up I always thought
of Christians as people who don’t get angry. To be Christian was to be IMG_0873nice. Or
so I thought. The reality is that the word nice is nowhere to be
found in the gospels, and even Jesus got angry—so angry that he drove a group
out of the temple by yelling and popping whips at them.

If the sinless Jesus got angry, then anger must be
a normal part of everyday life. It is however, important to distinguish between
good anger and bad anger—anger that is constructive and that which is destructive.

Constructive anger serves the greater good. It is
the anger of the soldier defending his country, a father or mother protecting
their child.

Destructive anger is self serving. It is the anger
of entitlement. It says the world is about me and I’m mad that everyone doesn’t
treat me that way.
Constructive anger is solution focused. It’s energy is directed toward
resolving injustices and making the world a better place. This was the anger of
Mother Teresa, John Paul II, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr.

Destructive anger is people focused. It seeks to
blame and point fingers. It is more concerned with who is wrong rather than
carefully identifying what is wrong.

Constructive Anger builds up. St. Francis of
Assisi, quite aware of many of the abuses happening in the Church of his day,
he, in the words of Gandhi, became the change he wanted to see.

Destructive anger tears down. This was the anger of

Martin Luther. Aware of those same problems, his anger led him down the path of
antagonism, resentment and division.

Constructive anger is acknowledged and processed in
a healthy way. It courageously faces wounds and transgressions, and seeks to
move through them toward healing and forgiveness.
Destructive anger is denied and repressed. Its motto is “If I hide from the
pain and pretend it didn’t happen, it might just go away.” Instead of going
away it resurfaces later as bitterness and resentment.

Jesus was angry. But his was a constructive anger.
His was a holy, righteous anger that stemmed from a zeal and love for God. His anger
led him to the cross of forgiveness. May ours do the same.

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