Prayer time often feels like an unsuccessful sifting through my basket of unmatched socks, saying “screw it”, throwing all of my unmatched socks in the trash 
and heading to Wal Mart to buy a new batch.
Today was much the same. Of the 50 minutes I sat on the couch in my office to pray my time was spent roughly like this:
20 minutes thinking about the stuff I have to get done.
3 minutes looking for the perfect pen and paper to record these interruptions.
2 minutes doodling because I’d forgotten what I wanted to remember.
5 minutes beating myself up for things that won’t get done or done to my perfectionist standards.
1 minute feeling guilty that my wife has to work and I don’t provide enough for her to stay home with our youngest son.
1 minute thinking about emails I received about my last article telling me how wonderful I am.
1 minute thinking about a recent Facebook post which prompted one person to message me suggesting I’ve forsaken my faith and God and were pretty sure I was on the verge of inventing a new heresy.
1 minute on my iPhone looking for an app on prayer.
Laughed when I thought about my friend choking on a piece of pizza last night when his mother in law greeted me saying “I hear you’re a renowned speaker. And then seeing my wife’s face which indicated she could substitute a number of other words for ‘speaker’ and knowing she’d be more correct.
Felt a sudden pain in my side and worried for several minutes I was having appendicitis.
Realized it was a result of the bologna sandwich, cheese puffs and diet coke I had slammed down for lunch in honor of my late cousin Howard–whom when we were four I allegedly (according to HIS mother) slammed a real phone over his head for finishing his cheese puffs and reaching into my plate and taking two of mine. Belly laughed out loud because I’d nearly done it again three years ago when we were 34.
Concluded I wasn’t praying well and I should do something productive.
Stood up and threw darts—missed the board, hit my damn diploma and sat back down to give God another chance.
Felt sad. Sensed God put his arm around me and say nothing.
Started to cry.
Stopped crying.
Sensed God say, “I’m really sorry about Howard.”
Nodded, and said “Its good to know you noticed and care.”
Felt awkward, thought about changing the subject to darts, but couldn’t bear to hear God validate the fact that I suck at darts.
Heard God say, “I know how much you loved him. I can’t imagine how much you miss him.”
Started crying again.
Got up to start working and said “I may not be here tomorrow, or the next day. And Sunday, as you know I focus more on the boys than I do you, so… maybe Monday?”
God smiled.
“But I may be back tomorrow, it just depends how I feel.” I said.
Sensed God say, “I’ve got an iEverything now and have Hanging with Friends and Angry Birds, so I have plenty to keep me busy while I wait. Don’t worry about me. I’m good. I’ll be here when you’re ready.”
“Thanks.”
Prayer: Lord, help me to pray as I can, not as I cannot. Amen.
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