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What Makes a Healthy Catholic School?

March 17, 2011 By 7 Comments

Jonathan Sullivan recently blogged about three elements in a  healthy Catholic school: Catholicity, expertise and resources.

He asked his readers to select which component was most important to them.

My vote? “Catholicity.”

Catholic schools today must be able to clearly articulate what differentiates them from public, virtual and other private schools.

I’ve read literally hundreds of Catholic school mission statements and advertising slogans. For most “catholic identity” means for them imparting Catholic teaching within a Catholic atmosphere. Both are important, yet even together they don’t express what I consider to be a Catholic school’s most valuable offering.

A truly Catholic school especially in this new era of creativity intensification, must intentionally seek to form in students a catholic imagination. A catholic imagination:

  • is a unique worldview which sees ourselves as a product of a particular culture and yet responsible for challenging that same culture with a vision of true freedom and happiness as the Good News of Christ.
  • holds the tension between the old and the new, seeing and using what is good in both.
  • views all creation as sacramental thus able to reveal God .
  • is incarnational and reverences the holiness of all humanity–as God’s most precious creation and who most fully reveals God to the world.
  • can bear paradox, uncertainty and doubt long enough to be transformed by it.
  • is creative and rather than being daunted by change, is able to embrace what is good in it, and leave the bad.

If Catholic schools can teach young people how to think, how to imagine creative responses to unforeseen challenges and unparalleled opportunities in a paradoxically more global yet smaller world, they will be indispensable.

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Persisting Through Resistence

March 3, 2011 By 1 Comment

Persistence is More Effective than Pushing

When young people are not interested in us or our message, many will either back off completely or try to push through their resistance in one big push. Neither of these are effective over the long term.

Most of our contact with young people won’t occur at one time events. That’s why persisting, rather than pushing through their resistance is important. When we stay engaged with them long enough applying our  presence (rather than pressure) over a longer period of time we will earn trust. Trust is important when you’re asking someone to give away their lives to Christ.

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Scary Statistics and Lame Excuses

February 23, 2011 By 2 Comments

As you read these statistics, I invite you not to think “I know this already.” Instead, ask “How well do we recognize these issues in young people?” and “How well are we reaching out to young people with these issues?”

  • 50% of teens live in homes where parents are divorced.
  • 30% of those teens live in blended families
  • 25-30% of teen girls have a diagnosable eating disorder
  • Of girls who have eating disorders ½ of them also self injure
  • 20-30% of teens have tried to harm themselves (cutting or burning)
  • Youtube has over 5000 videos depicting youth “cutting” themselves
  • Girls are 4 times more likely than boys to cut themselves
  • Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death in teens today.
  • 25% of teens live in single parent families
  • 1 out of 25 teens live with neither of their parents
  • 63% of youth suicides occur in fatherless homes
  • Children from fatherless homes are 5x more likely to commit suicide
  • 2/3 of all high school seniors have used illegal drugs
  • 77% of 8th graders have used alcohol
  • 1 out of 10 teens identify as being gay
  • 10-20% of teens have experienced same sex attraction
  • gay teens are twice as likely to commit suicide as heterosexual teens
  • 3 out of 10 girls have experienced sexual abuse at some point in their childhood
  • 1 out of 7 boys report having experienced sexual abuse during childhood
  • Only 10-15% of child sexual abuse is reported

(Source: A whole bunch of places that I don’t have the time nor desire to cite.)

Some Common Excuses To Ignore the Above

I don’t have training. (Why aren’t you getting it? Why aren’t you providing pastoral care training for your ministers and catechists?)

I don’t know what I’d do if my young people shared these things with me. (See above. Also, if not you, who?)

I’m not a counselor. (Most young people don’t need a counselor. They need someone to love them, walk with them through this and when necessary help them talk to their parents and find the help they need.)

I can’t teach my staff how to deal with these issues. (What other things can’t you teach your staff to do for which you delegate or outsource? We budget what is important.)

The board (PTO, Administration, Pastor, etc.) won’t support me in doing this. (How strong are your relationships with them? What can you do to make them stronger?  How are you presenting, defining, explaining “this” to them?)

Talking to young people and their parents about these issues is awkward. (That same awkwardness cost me many years growing up morbidly obese. What else is awkwardness costing you? Others?)

I don’t know where I’ll find the time to fit this stuff in amidst all the other things we’ve got going on. (We schedule what’s important. How can you fit this into the programs, etc. you’re already doing? What is it time to stop doing?)

I’m leading young people to Jesus so that he can heal them from these things. (And Jesus is leading them back to you  so that through you, your heart, your hands,  your voice, and  your story he can heal them. That is Incarnational ministry.)

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Young People Don’t Need Another Book

February 21, 2011 By 7 Comments

This April the Youcat will be released. It is a contemporary translation of the Catechism for young people. It is sure to be an amazing work, asCardinal Schoeborn is a brilliant theologian and Churchman.

But youth don’t read.

They connect. They watch. They listen. And they interact.

Out of displeasure with this reality many shout “It shouldn’t be that way!” and then cite this as another symptom of young generations’ waning faith.

But this is not a matter of faith—it’s a matter or common sense. It’s a matter of marketing. It’s a matter of understanding your audience.

Young people don’t need another book. They need adults willing to meet them at the intersection of faith and real life. They need adults who will remain with them long enough to reveal God in the messy contradictions of their own life.   This is a thirst of the heart more than a question of the mind. It  often goes unmet, because its easier to hand them a book than offer your heart.

Young people don’t need another book—they need you.

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Four Types of Resistance

February 2, 2011 By 4 Comments

In Olympic training pools there are powerful jets installed on one side that blow air across the surface of the water. Not to keep the swimmers cool. There is a mist that hovers above the water as result of exhale bursts and splashing created by their strokes. By blowing away the mist, the athletes are able to inhale air with a higher oxygen level, enabling them to practice at peak levels.

This is one example of a concerted effort on the part of Olympic trainers to “lower resistance” during training, so that athletes know what their peak performance feels like.

Whether you’re a teacher, minister, parent or cleric you know that one of the difficulties of working with youth is their resistance.

Four Types of Resistance

1. Intellectual. Having a different point of view, disagreeing with one’s logic or reasoning and ignorance. This type of resistance is falsely assumed by most Christian apologetics and thus explains why so much “apologetics” and “evangelization” is so woefully ineffective. It is the least prevalent form of resistance in young people today.

2. Spiritual. Sin is a choice to step out of relationship with Christ. The more seriously and repeatedly we do this the more resistant we become to re-entering that relationship.

3. Physical. Many people, especially males experience, learn and process kinesthetically—touching, moving, creating and yes, even destroying. I’ve seen some pretty resistant young people open up while mixing cement in Mexico, riding horses or after I sent them rocketing to the clouds as a result of jumping onto a giant air pillow in mountain lake. (see “the blob” in the video below)

4. Emotional. Often resulting from an experience of disappointment or hurt. The blame was either consciously or unconsciously ascribed to God. Saying “I’m agnostic” or “I’m an atheist” or “Christians are just a bunch of hypocrites” are all symptoms of emotional resistance. These sound better than saying “I’m feeling disappointed because God…” or “I’m having some feelings about God and the Church I don’t understand.” or “I’m angry that God…” That level of awareness is rare in adolescence and even when it is there, it will likely not come out in a classroom, youth group meeting or confirmation class.

You can make the most compelling case for apostolic succession, but if a young person hates the Pope because he represents a God whom he believes took his father—you’re wasting your time. The best way to address emotional resistance is to “roll with it.” Fighting it, arguing it or persuading it will only increase its intensity and make it make your ministry (or life) more difficult.

These young people need acceptance, permission to be where they are, feel what they feel, and most importantly, a safe place. If you become that safe place, you have the privilege of showing them a more accurate and loving picture of the God they resist. (All of the above applies not only to young people, but to young and older adults as well).

Three tips for recognizing and overcoming resistance:

1. Listen for the question behind the question. If someone asks about the abortion issue, before jumping into a defensive rant, ask “Would you mind sharing with the class (or me privately if you prefer) about how you feel about abortion. They’re going to listen to you ONLY after they feel heard and understood. What they might be asking is “Am I (my friend, my mom) going to hell because I/they had an abortion?
2. Practice the Skills of Active Listening. Pay close attention to what is being said. Repeat back to them what you are hearing and ask them if they feel you understand them.
3. Acknowledge and Validate Feelings and Opinions. Everyone is entitled to their own feelings and opinions. One eye roll, one sneer, one sideways glance to another person in the room whom you know thinks their question or answer is ridiculous or stupid, and your toast. The student (or adult) feels disrespected and only reinforces whatever feelings or opinions they currently have about God, the Church and Christians.

These are just a few. What are some ways you address resistance in youth ministry, catechesis or evangelization?

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A Pyroenthusiast Meets His Match

January 31, 2011 By Leave a Comment

The opening of my keynote to Louisiana Catholic College Students at their annual conference. The theme was “Ignited.” This story led into a talk about the “fire of passion.” Much thanks to my friend Juan Pagan for videoing segments of the talk.

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Looking For the Gift in Young People

January 26, 2011 By 7 Comments

What do you see in the picture on the right?

Some see a duck.

Some see a rabbit.

If you look hard enough you’ll see both.

Ultimately, its inconsequential whether you see either one. It’s an optical illusion. But there are times when looking closely, looking harder and longer to see all of something or someone does matter. This is the case with young people today.

What do you see in young people?

Do you see a disrespectful kid or a wounded child whose afraid of being hurt again?

Do you see a pierced and tattooed punk, or a teen who feels invisible and longs to be seen?

Do you see an entitled brat or an insecure young person who hungers for healthy boundaries?

Do you see a needy pest or a student who feels left out and craves adult attention?

What you see is important.

Because what you see will become your reality.

Searching for the Gift Inside

Young people need you to see the gift inside them. They need healthy adults  who can be a safe place for their pain and fertile soil as they grow into the fullness of who God is calling them to be.

This isn’t easy. It’s easier to glance over the surface and get back to grading papers, planning events, cooking supper and washing clothes.

But in ten years no one will care that your grades were in on time, you created the best lessons, planned perfect events or that your house was spotless. These have a very short shelf life in the human heart.

Taking time to notice, listen, comfort, bear with, hug, console, speak to, hang out with, affirm, encourage, motivate and challenge live forever in a young person’s heart.

But the latter rarely make you feel successful, productive or important. They usually won’t merit you a pat on the back. So you go back to doing things that can be measured, accounted for and immediately appreciated.

Redefining Success

But if God has called you into the lives of young people, then with that  call comes permission to re-imagine success, productivity and importance for yourself and others.

Young people don’t need another program, event, song, skit, talk or even slice of pizza.

They need you.

They need your presence.

They need you to gaze deeply into them and see the God in them they may not see.

Lord, grant us the grace to see you in others, especially the young people in our lives. Amen.

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Youth Hunger for Meaningful Relationships with Parents

January 21, 2011 By 1 Comment

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Effective Evangelization: Care First, Connect Second, Share Last

January 18, 2011 By 5 Comments

I often hear people describe other speakers as “tough”, because “they got in the kids’ faces and gave ‘em the TRUTH.”  This “truth” is usually a version of the unholy trinity of sex, drugs and alcohol, going to Church and religious affiliation. They usually conclude their endorsement of said speaker with “they didn’t like what he had to say, but they needed to hear it.”

I wonder–was it the message the youth didn’t like or was it the messenger? Had the messenger worked a little harder on his approach and motive would the message have been more palatable?

Often giving young people the “truth” has little to do with Jesus’ truth, but rather in a speaker’s ego need to be right. I know, because for many years in ministry, that speaker was me.

What young people need is someone who LOVES them first. Someone who loves them enough to understand them, their challenges, their needs, their hopes and their fears. As blogging buddy Marc Cardaronella says in his excellent series on evangelization– youth need us “to connect with them.”

The “truth” I see so many people (not just youth) hungering for is the real. Our people need us be real with them first. After we do that, they will allow us to share faith with them.

I’ve had the privilege of attending a few in-services and workshops facilitated by Mike Patin.  He’d start by asking: “What’s tough about being a teacher? What’s tough about ministering to young people?” I remember thinking “This guy is here for me, not himself. He doesn’t assume he knows about my experience of ministry.”

People, especially young people, have a hypersensitive radar for motive. If we wish to influence them we must be real with ourselves first. We must continually ask ourselves “Why am I here? What is God asking me to do in this situation?” One answer will always be, “to love those in front of me”, be them children, teens or adults.

When we genuinely care about others first and our message (agenda) second, audiences will reward us with their attention.

This is the only way the message stands a chance. And since it’s God’s message of Good News we’re sharing, I’d rather be effective than be right. Wouldn’t you?

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The Multi-Faceted Poverty of Ted Williams

January 17, 2011 By 2 Comments

There’s a reason Donald Trump is a millionaire today. Yeah, he went bankrupt. But lots of people declare bankruptcy everyday and don’t recover from it. Why Donald? It’s because while he lost the money, the skills he used to make the money were still there.

Yesterday America watched the “fall from grace” of its newest superhero—Ted Williams. Williams told Dr. Phil recently that he had been drinking heavily since he was “discovered” on the roadside by a pocket cam video, which went viral on the web. Within 24 hours Ted had news crews stalking him and offers from organizations across the country who wanted his “golden voice” for their own.

Yet while America cheered, I was worried about Ted. I was worried how someone whom society ignored and even cast their eyes down upon would deal with “sudden fame” and the riches that often accompany such fame. Ted admitted that substances were a part of his initial fall from grace. The issues that led him to cope with substances don’t just disappear.

While many claimed charitable greatness surrounding this talented man, perhaps it will be Dr. Phil who is credited with effectively helping him off the streets. In rehab, Ted will be offered and may acquire the skills necessary to lead a healthy life.  No amount of money over time can deal with stress, pressure, insecurity, depression, etc. Only skills can help us do that.

A Deeper Poverty

When we think that money alone will cure poverty we have bought into a fundamental misunderstanding of the nature of poverty, finances are the least important of which. Social, emotional, intellectual and physical poverty are all aspects of a human being, which can become “poor.” Money can help some, but without enriching a person in the other domains, they’ll end up right back where they came from.

For myself, I grew up poor.  My mother in her wisdom knew the importance for me to be around people who were “better off” than me. So she sacrificed to send me to a private, Catholic school. She wanted me to be around people who had more social graces, a place that would stretch me to grow intellectually and academically and one that would feed me spiritually. The school did just that. It was the norm for everyone at the school to go to college, so I went. I did poorly my first year but took a year off and at the encouragement of friends went back.

Today I’m happily married and successful and faith filled because my mom had an intuitive understanding of our poverty and her own. She knew what she couldn’t give me and made sure that I had access to it.

Perhaps Dr. Phil will be that for Ted. Perhaps he’ll be the one who gives Ted the real “leg up” from the streets that he’s been hoping for. We shall see…

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