2011 September

Boys’ Brains are Being “Digitally Rewired”

September 29, 2011 By Roy Petitfils Leave a Comment

Boys will be boys–but what does that mean for boys today? Psychologist Philip Zimbardo argues that young men growing up in this digital age are “digitally rewiring” their brains. Some of the effects include inability to be intimate both physically and emotionally and a greater social awkwardness in face to face interactions. He suggests that an alarming number of men experience arousal addiction which, he argues, is worse than being addicted to substances. With substance addiction you simply want more, unlike arousal where one wants different.

What implications will this have for those of us ministering to younger generations of men?

H/t to Scott Miller at the Catholic Youth Ministry Blog for posting this video and his thoughts.

The Multi-Faceted Poverty of Ted Williams

Filed Under: Current Affairs, Ministry, Parenting, Uncategorized, Youth Ministry Tagged With: addiction, arousal addiction, boys, substance abuse, young men

Keeping Our Eyes on the Goal

September 28, 2011 By Roy Petitfils Leave a Comment

I’ve recently taken to the “sport” of darts. For a long time I focused on hitting the Bull’s Eye. I always assumed (as do most non-dart throwers) that hitting the bullseye was the most important, valuable shot.

Not so. Its slightly above that—the triple 20. The bull’s eye scores 50, while triple 20 is…you get the math

It can be easy to focus on the wrong goal. In no area is this more true than in Spirituality and Religion.

In Old Testament times we focused on a poor goat sending it off into the desert with our wrongs on its back. In the New Testament we did the same to non-Jews, hookers, tax collectors… and Jesus.

Religion is a Latin word which mean “To put back together.” Its purpose is to help put us “back together” with God. To that end, it is a great tool. For me, Christian Catholicism is the best tool I can find—and I’ve shopped a lot!

Yet even today the pattern of losing focus repeats itself. For many religion has become an end in and of itself. Going to Church, praying, and following a certain ways of living are the goal—instead of a means to an end.

Intimacy with God is, always has been and always will be the goal.

An increasing number of people today are disenchanted with the Church and formal religion because they have experienced them portrayed and treated as idols. They’ve been told critiquing the tool or its craftsmen are tantamount to blasphemy. So they quietly slip into a passionless resignation, stop showing up, or stop caring while going through the motions. Their legacy? Bitter, cynical, cafeteria catholics who “can’t handle the truth”, and “have lost their way.”

This is not my experience of these people who comprise 85-90% of our Church. They are resistant not because they are bad, relativistic or lackluster, but because they don’t feel heard and understood. They’ve grown weary of being “fussed at” and talked down to because they don’t dress appropriately, contracept, cohabitate, listen to the wrong music, don’t spend enough time with their kids, work too much, spend too much, don’t give enough, don’t take the faith life of their children seriously enough and don’t make enough time to read Theology of the Body.

If the New Evangelization is going to be New, we must do something new. We must spend more energy and time understanding our target demographic and speaking to their perceived needs, hurts and fears offering them hope by holding up the goal, not the method. If not, our evangelization isn’t going to be new, it’ll be an ineffective, albeit refurbished model of scapegoating which drives shame laden sinners into the desert instead leading burdened sons and daughters home to their Father.

Filed Under: Counseling, Ministry, Religion, Spirituality, Uncategorized Tagged With: Catholicism, counseling, goal, healing, New Evangelzation, wounds

Five Needs of Young People

September 15, 2011 By Roy Petitfils 4 Comments

As you read this brief list, don’t think “I do this.” or “I don’t do this” but rather “How well do I meet this need in the young people in my life?” “What is one thing I can do, one shift I can make to do better in this area?”

1. Attention

Such a basic human emotional need that we often take it for granted when life gets busy and other things become more urgent. Young people especially need our attention. Contrary to what some suggest, our greatest fear is not rejection (per se) but being ignored. When we attend to young people we, in a very real way, they experience us “seeing them” and thus validate their presence as worthwhile.

2. To Feel Heard

We all need to feel heard, but this is especially important for children and adolescents. Hearing a young person involves more than simply listening to them. It involves a committment on our part to listen to them until they feel heard. And very often until they (while talking) become clear on what they’re trying to say.

3. Intimacy

We are created to live in union with God. We participate in that union sacramentally and in relationships in this life. More than anything else young people desire a meaningful relationship with their parents (or other significant adults) but when they cannot get that, they will settle for other people, things and experiences.

4. Access to the Sacred

Youth don’t need religious data as much as they need us to provide and create for them spaces where they can “connect” with the Sacred. In addition to Mass, these include retreats, mission trips, prayer experiences, times of silence and focused meditation. As young people learn to access the sacred in a focused way the foundation is laid to access the sacred in the events of everyday life.

5. A Safe Place

This isn’t always a geographical place. For many youth, home and school are not safe places which drives them to seek relational safey. Teens often say “When I’m with _______ I feel like everything’s going to be OK.” Many adolescents find this in their friends and in a special way in their boyfriends and girlfriends. Even when these relationships are short and/or transient, teens still experience them as vital because they meet such an important need in their lives.