When I speak to groups about influencing other people I challenge them with Einstein’s saying: “If you always do what you’ve always done, then you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten.” I then suggest that if we really want to be influential in ministry or in any of our relationships we ourselves must be willing to change first.
Almost without exception someone will respond: “But Roy, it shouldn’t be that way.” And I usually respond “I agree. Perhaps it shouldn’t. But I said the same thing when I changed my boys’ first meconium diaper. ‘Dear God! It shouldn’t be this way.’” But God did not change it. It was what it was.
When we get stuck in “It shouldn’t be this way.”we’re really stuck in our ego’s need to be right. Mother Teresa once said, “It is not good enough for us to be right. We must seek to be effective.”
If we want to be effective we must accept that our being right will not make things better. Influencing others, be them our children, our spouse, our boss or our friends, requires a willingness to change our behaviors and approach. When we’re willing to do this, or to try and do this, we know that our true desire is to influence–to make a situation, relationship or even a person better. If we’re not, then we really just want to be right.
About Roy Petitfils
Brilliantly said! We cannot remain content to perpetuate an ineffective approach to catechesis and evangelization! I am frustrated to no end when I hear church leaders blaming the apathy of their teens (or adults, or whoever) for their ineffectiveness. Our job is precisely to engage the apathetic if that is who God has placed before us!
So much more to say on this subject…thank you for issuing the challenge!
Thanks for commenting brother. Engaging the apathetic–finding out why they’re apathetic, even when it may mean hearing from them that WE are the problem.