The opening of my keynote to Louisiana Catholic College Students at their annual conference. The theme was “Ignited.” This story led into a talk about the “fire of passion.” Much thanks to my friend Juan Pagan for videoing segments of the talk.
Some Assembly Required
January 26, 2011 By Leave a Comment
“How important could a little washer be?” I thought as I watched my son’s tricycle wobble and squeak along our patio. Dads are not supposed to be 
scared of a tricycle—even if it is sitting in a million pieces in a cardboard box labeled, “Some assembly required.”
I learned my lesson. When Swing Set Day rolled around, I called two friends who enjoy assembling things (the word masochist comes to mind) and asked them to help. They did most of the work while I crossed the street and bought us some hamburgers. Focus on your strengths I say.
The swing set is still standing, the tricycle still rolling and my little boy is still growing, in spite of me. Like trikes and swing sets, I wish he had come pre-assembled. I wish I didn’t have the risk of messing him up.
There are moments when I wish God had spared me the task of educating, encouraging and cajoling my son toward Christian maturity. But God has entrusted to me, like you, the difficult, yet sacred task of assembling a generation of young people after his own heart. The sheer enormity of the task can seem overwhelming.
In our quest for perfection, we may feel tempted to leave child-rearing to the “experts.” We feel inadequate and think “surely someone out there can do this better than me.”
There are times when we are in over our head–times we are wise to call in reinforcements—folks with specialized training who can offer help during challenging times or special circumstances.
But far too often we don’t trust our unique contribution to our kids. We doubt God’s presence in us and believe that someone else can accomplish this task better than us.
As a result, we back away for fear of messing up or, even worse, sub the job out all together and avoid risking “messing up” and be exposed as a parental or ministerial failure.
God understands our fears. At the root of them all is a deep love for kids. But more than anything, God wants us to be active participants, fully engaged in the lives of young people—making our values known, holding our moral standards high and being for them a safe place.
And God knows at times we will fall short. Times when we’ll miss a washer or two, and may even need to disassemble certain areas in order to put them back together correctly.
God also knows that on some unfortunate day, our kids will notice some of our missing parts too, areas where we lack authenticity, wounds that need healing and sin that begs for grace. That’s OK.
Because more than our futile attempts to be perfect, our young people will remember that we were in the trenches of life with them, getting dirty in the mire of their many and complex problems, helping them sort through their gifts and make important life decisions.
But most importantly, holding their hand as they walk along the long difficult road of self acceptance. For this our kids will love and respect us, and perhaps one day honor us, despite our own missing parts.
Hopefully, someday down the road, as our kids are fumbling through an assembly project of their own, they’ll be encouraged by our commitment and involvement in their lives.
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Looking For the Gift in Young People
January 26, 2011 By 7 Comments
What 
do you see in the picture on the right?
Some see a duck.
Some see a rabbit.
If you look hard enough you’ll see both.
Ultimately, its inconsequential whether you see either one. It’s an optical illusion. But there are times when looking closely, looking harder and longer to see all of something or someone does matter. This is the case with young people today.
What do you see in young people?
Do you see a disrespectful kid or a wounded child whose afraid of being hurt again?
Do you see a pierced and tattooed punk, or a teen who feels invisible and longs to be seen?
Do you see an entitled brat or an insecure young person who hungers for healthy boundaries?
Do you see a needy pest or a student who feels left out and craves adult attention?
What you see is important.
Because what you see will become your reality.
Searching for the Gift Inside
Young people need you to see the gift inside them. They need healthy adults who can be a safe place for their pain and fertile soil as they grow into the fullness of who God is calling them to be.
This isn’t easy. It’s easier to glance over the surface and get back to grading papers, planning events, cooking supper and washing clothes.
But in ten years no one will care that your grades were in on time, you created the best lessons, planned perfect events or that your house was spotless. These have a very short shelf life in the human heart.
Taking time to notice, listen, comfort, bear with, hug, console, speak to, hang out with, affirm, encourage, motivate and challenge live forever in a young person’s heart.
But the latter rarely make you feel successful, productive or important. They usually won’t merit you a pat on the back. So you go back to doing things that can be measured, accounted for and immediately appreciated.
Redefining Success
But if God has called you into the lives of young people, then with that call comes permission to re-imagine success, productivity and importance for yourself and others.
Young people don’t need another program, event, song, skit, talk or even slice of pizza.
They need you.
They need your presence.
They need you to gaze deeply into them and see the God in them they may not see.
Lord, grant us the grace to see you in others, especially the young people in our lives. Amen.
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Effective Evangelization: Care First, Connect Second, Share Last
January 18, 2011 By 5 Comments
I often hear people describe other speakers as “tough”, because “they got in the kids’ faces and gave ‘em the TRUTH.” This “truth” is usually a version of the unholy trinity of sex, drugs and alcohol, going to Church and religious affiliation. They usually conclude their endorsement of said speaker with “they didn’t like what he had to say, but they needed to hear it.”
I wonder–was it the message the youth didn’t like or was it the messenger? Had the messenger worked a little harder on his approach and motive would the message have been more palatable?
Often giving young people the “truth” has little to do with Jesus’ truth, but rather in a speaker’s ego need to be right. I know, because for many years in ministry, that speaker was me.
What young people need is someone who LOVES them first. Someone who loves them enough to understand them, their challenges, their needs, their hopes and their fears. As blogging buddy Marc Cardaronella says in his excellent series on evangelization– youth need us “to connect with them.”
The “truth” I see so many people (not just youth) hungering for is the real. Our people need us be real with them first. After we do that, they will allow us to share faith with them.
I’ve had the privilege of attending a few in-services and workshops facilitated by Mike Patin. He’d start by asking: “What’s tough about being a teacher? What’s tough about ministering to young people?” I remember thinking “This guy is here for me, not himself. He doesn’t assume he knows about my experience of ministry.”
People, especially young people, have a hypersensitive radar for motive. If we wish to influence them we must be real with ourselves first. We must continually ask ourselves “Why am I here? What is God asking me to do in this situation?” One answer will always be, “to love those in front of me”, be them children, teens or adults.
When we genuinely care about others first and our message (agenda) second, audiences will reward us with their attention.
This is the only way the message stands a chance. And since it’s God’s message of Good News we’re sharing, I’d rather be effective than be right. Wouldn’t you?
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The Multi-Faceted Poverty of Ted Williams
January 17, 2011 By 2 Comments
There’s a reason Donald Trump is a millionaire today. Yeah, he went bankrupt. But lots of people declare bankruptcy everyday and don’t recover from it. Why Donald? It’s because while he lost the money, the skills he used to make the money were still there.
Yesterday America watched the “fall from grace” of its newest superhero—Ted Williams. Williams told Dr. Phil recently that he had been drinking heavily since he was “discovered” on the roadside by a pocket cam video, which went viral on the web. Within 24 hours Ted had news crews stalking him and offers from organizations across the country who wanted his “golden voice” for their own.
Yet while America cheered, I was worried about Ted. I was worried how someone whom society ignored and even cast their eyes down upon would deal with “sudden fame” and the riches that often accompany such fame. Ted admitted that substances were a part of his initial fall from grace. The issues that led him to cope with substances don’t just disappear.
While many claimed charitable greatness surrounding this talented man, perhaps it will be Dr. Phil who is credited with effectively helping him off the streets. In rehab, Ted will be offered and may acquire the skills necessary to lead a healthy life. No amount of money over time can deal with stress, pressure, insecurity, depression, etc. Only skills can help us do that.
A Deeper Poverty
When we think that money alone will cure poverty we have bought into a fundamental misunderstanding of the nature of poverty, finances are the least important of which. Social, emotional, intellectual and physical poverty are all aspects of a human being, which can become “poor.” Money can help some, but without enriching a person in the other domains, they’ll end up right back where they came from.
For myself, I grew up poor. My mother in her wisdom knew the importance for me to be around people who were “better off” than me. So she sacrificed to send me to a private, Catholic school. She wanted me to be around people who had more social graces, a place that would stretch me to grow intellectually and academically and one that would feed me spiritually. The school did just that. It was the norm for everyone at the school to go to college, so I went. I did poorly my first year but took a year off and at the encouragement of friends went back.
Today I’m happily married and successful and faith filled because my mom had an intuitive understanding of our poverty and her own. She knew what she couldn’t give me and made sure that I had access to it.
Perhaps Dr. Phil will be that for Ted. Perhaps he’ll be the one who gives Ted the real “leg up” from the streets that he’s been hoping for. We shall see…
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Beatitudes for Those Who Serve the Young Church
January 16, 2011 By 2 Comments
Blessed are you who give your lives to serve young people, especially when your efforts don’t seem to bear fruit, for you possess the generous spirit of Christ.
Blessed are you who recognize and call forth the gifts in youth often buried beneath layers of anger, distrust and abandonment, for you possess the mouth of Christ.
Blessed are you who see and affirm the goodness in every kid, especially those who are entitled, apathetic and abrasive–for you possess the eyes of Christ.
Blessed are you who are a safe place for young people, especially those who have experienced abuse, neglect and violence, for you possess the healing presence of Christ.
Blessed are you who pray for young people, especially those who don’t know God, who do not want to know God and don’t want anything to do with anyone who has anything to do with God, for you possess the soul of Christ.
Blessed are you who risk loving young people, knowing that they will sometimes disappoint you and hurt you, for you possess the heart of Christ.
Blessed are you when you feel patronized by those insisting that you just “play with kids”, “Only work from 8-3 and get three months of summer vacation” for you do possess A REAL JOB and yours is the humility of Christ.
Blessed are you who feel unvalued, unappreciated and unsupported by pastors, boards, councils and administrators for you possess the enduring spirit of Christ.
Blessed are you who at times leave behind home and family to bring young people to places where they can hear God’s “still small voice” for you possess the sacrificial spirit of Christ.
Blessed are you who persevere in your ministry, especially in the months of March, April and May when you think “I don’t get paid enough to do this” for yours is the Kingdom of Heaven.
Blessed are you when parents doubt you, and talk about you at soccer practice and utter every sort of evil into your voicemail—Rejoice and be glad for your reward will be great in heaven–’cause its sure won’t be in your paycheck!.
(Inspired by the “Beatitudes for Teachers” SPICE Conference 2010, ACSTA.)
Roy Petitfils is a counselor intern at Pax Renewal Center in Lafayette. He has written three books and is a sought after presenter and facilitator for conferences and retreats. Contact him at roypetitfils@yahoo.com)
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There’s No Such Thing as Part Time Youth Ministry
January 1, 2011 By 3 Comments
While visiting with a youth minister at NCCYM 2010, I asked her to tell me about her ministry. She began, “Well, I’m only part-time.” I trailed off and thought about that not hearing anything else she said. I then leaned forward in my seat, looked her straight in the eye and interrupted her saying, “There’s no such thing.”
“As what?” she said.
“Part time youth ministry.” .
“But I do have another job working….”
The good listener that I am cut her off again, “There is no such thing as part time youth ministry.” Seeing the glistening seriousness in my eyes she knew that I was not playing with semantics. A conversation that started off on the road to small talk suddenly exited toward Seriousville very quickly. I could see the relief, appreciation and validation she experienced as my words sunk in.
I have never met a youth minister who cares “part time” about young people.
I’ve never met a youthworker who loves kids only 20 hours a week.
I’ve never met a youth minister who is passionate only part of the time.
I’ve never met a youth minister who desires to help youth get part of the way to the heart of Jesus.
But I have on the other hand met lots and lots of youthworkers who are…
Paid part time.
Encouraged part time
Supported part time
Affirmed part time
Defended part time
Advocated for part time.
Mentored part time
Invested in part time
Appreciated part time.
But no, to this day I’ve never met a part time youthworker.
And I don’t foresee that day coming any time soon.
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