I attended a seminar discussing the culture of adolescent girls. There was specific mention of certain pressures and trends today’s adolescent girls were facing.
Pressures and Trends
1. Movement from “attractive” to “Hot and Sexy” Being attractive is no longer enough. Being “hot” and having “sex appeal” are the holy grail of success, identity and self worth.
2. Look 18 when you are 8: Kids no longer allowing themselves to be kids due to felt pressures to look and act older than they are. This is complicated by trends of early pubertal development in girls.
3. Entitled Consumerism: This message says, “Have a passion for fashion—shop till you drop. It is not important that your buying power comes from the sweat of someone else’s brow—you deserve to have it better than your parents did—and they’ve told you so.”
4. Be a Diva: This message communicates, “Be nice and polite but also be loud and proud—work hard to strike a balance between being appropriate yet demanding what you want with an attitude.”
5. Plaster Yourself on Social Media: This one says, “Be over the top—but not TOO over the top. Take time and consideration of your online presentation. Ask yourself, “How to I appear to others? Are there enough pictures of myself online? Are they the right kind of pictures?”
6. Be Perfect—In other words, “Be nice, empathic and sweet but also competitive, aggressive and ultimately perfect in all areas—academics, sports, etc. In other words, be like Danica Patrick.”
Consequences
Psycho-Social: When a person views themselves as an object to be viewed by other people, they foster the development of a false sense of self. This self objectification occurs when we don’t derive our identity and self worth from inside but rather from the outside (how others see us based upon how we perform and show up). The paths to “success” for many young people will require using their imagination and creativity. They will have to imagine and in many places create a fitting place for themselves and their gifts in an ever changing culture. If I haven’t developed a discipline for reaching within for inspiration, creativity and my own unique expression, I am forced to acquiesce to the whimsical wants of others (including culture).
Spiritually: When we continually refashion our identities based on external forces, we express a deep insecurity. If there is a thread in these trends and pressures it is that of youth modeling to an unhealthy extent their identity from cultural icons. Yet it is not culture who reveals to us who we most deeply are, but God. It is God who reveals to us who we are. When we experience God’s love, God’s total, unconditional love, our need to impress, react to or be like others diminishes and we are free to be who we most deeply are–which is God’s beloved sons and daughters.
Practical Strategies
Focus on involvement more than activities. We help kids form their identity more by being more involved in their lives, as opposed to making sure they experience every opportunity that we missed out on or that we think will help them to become a more well rounded person. Remember, more than ANYTHING your child wants YOU involved in their life. And when they don’t get it, they’ll settle for other things. Young people don’t always recognize this, and they less often feel safe and strong enough to come to us with this realization.
Modeling: The way girls feel about their bodies is most influenced by the way their mom’s view their own bodies. How often do you comment about appearance? How important is physical appearance to you? Whatever your views about body image, appearance, etc. are trickling down to your children, especially your daughters.
Fight Parental peer pressure: Ironically, we hammer, and I mean HAMMER, youth about peer pressure, yet the truth is that it affects adults just as much if not more than young people. If you don’t think your kids are smart enough to know that you cut your grass 2 times a week because Bob the neighbor does? Young people are smart. They sense the incongruency of what we expect from them, yet allow ourselves.
Healthy weight management and exercise. If in doubt about how to do this, consult a dietitian.
Focus on positive physical attributes. It is important for girls (and women) to be reminded, not just from men, about the specific attributes we find attractive in them. It is important to genuinely remind them often that they are beautiful.
Education about ever changing thin ideal. If possible get some magazines from years ago and show how the cover models have gotten increasingly thinner.
Help Deconstruct Harmful Media Messages: When watching TV or if you stumble upon an ad, or billboard use a moment to point out what’s deceptive, misleading and/or harmful about the ad.
Dissonance based activities— Have older teen girls design program for middle school girls to help them to have a more positive body image, and to recognize harmful media messages and cultural pressures.
H/t to Dr. Laura Choate, Professor of Education, LSU for her work in this area. Also h/t to Mellissa Lowrey , LPC, NCC for her insights and contributions to this article.
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