Seth Godin blogged recently about gifts:
A gift is a gift, not the beginning of a transaction. Giving gifts is a fairly alien endeavor. In most families, even the holidays are more about present exchange than the selfless act of actually giving a gift…giving a gift for no reason and with no transaction contemplated is actually incredibly powerful. It changes your approach… it changes your relationship with the recipient and yes, it changes you .
It can be tempting to do the same with the Gospel—instead of sharing it as a gift, using it as part of an exchange—transactional ministry.
Transactional ministry occurs when sharing faith with others is a means to an end rather than an end in and of itself. A young person once told me about a minister whom he felt was trying to “recruit” him for the youth group, “Mr. P, I don’t feel like ____ cares about me–s/he only cares about getting me to attend a meeting. If having a relationship with me is really just about getting me to do something, well…I’ve got plenty of those already. I don’t need another source of conditional love and acceptance in my life.”
I believe this is a symptom of a fundamental spiritual and ministerial disconnect. Namely, when others feel as though they are nothing more than another notch on our “relational ministry” tool belt we are no longer doing God’s will but are engaged in our own will under the guise of ministry. The unique starting point of all Christian ministry is a free response to God having loved us first–a love so powerful we feel compelled to share it with others. To minister in Christ’s name means loving as he did—loving for loves own sake, not as currency exchanged in a ministerial quid pro quo.
When I was a young adult it was that loving response of a few individuals that fundamentally altered my life course. I was not a “target” in their outreach. I wasn’t another “tally mark” in their evangelization quota. I was alone, lost and hurting and they met me there, and loved me there with no hidden agenda or strings attached to their love. I was so baffled by that experience of unconditional love I had no choice but to seek its source and in doing so discovered Christ.
No one wants to feel like they are part of a transaction—ministerial or otherwise. When our efforts make others feel as though they are, we reinforce their skepti-cynical world view and image of God as grace-broker rather than a generous, loving and beckoning Father.
I know of no other safeguard against transactional ministry than the continual practice of contemplative prayer–time spent in silence attending to God who loves us first—then trying our best to trust that love and imitate it in our ministry.
About Roy Petitfils
Bravo….so well said!
This really gets me thinking. Do I value my students in youth ministry or other programs for what it gets me or because I’m really there for them? I know there’s times when my motives are pure, but I have to wonder if there aren’t times when they’re not and I’m communicating to those people that they’re just a number or a notch on my ministerial belt.
I know one thing that can make people feel like a number. When you cancel because there’s not enough people or you’re disappointed when only a few show up. Nothing communicates non-importance to the people that did show up than that.
Roy – thanks for this post. It is so easy to get caught up in goals, strategies, and tactics and forget that youth ministry is about the people not the intended outcomes. Although I often think about ways we can get more kids to come to events, the fact is that if just one kid comes and we are able form a positive relationship with him or her (and help form a positive relationship with Christ), then we have succeeded (right on Marc!)
Great point and something as ministry leaders all need to remember. Something I always try to emphasize to leaders is that ministry is not always about the quantity; it’s about the quality. I’m all for evangelization, but I’m more for relationship-building.
Thanks for the reminder. When I did youth ministry I probably fell into the trap at times of just wanting them to come to my program and get to know other Catholic teens with the hopes also that they would grow in their Catholic Faith. It is so important to help engage others, especially in this fast paced media savy world, and to see others youth and adults alike as a gift and blessing regardless if they are going to be involved in your ministry or not. I realize this is pretty obvious, but when you are in ministry and always looking for volunteers sometimes the lenses get a little blurry.
Thanks Marc for commenting. I have done the same thing with regard to numbers. Ironically, when I remember back as a teen I wasn’t at all disappointed by a “low turnout.” I’m not even sure I noticed the turnout!