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Localizing the Pain

July 27, 2010 By 1 Comment

The night after Christmas I
brought my 4-month-old son Benjamin crying to the ER
AG_Baby_in_hands after enduring hours of
uncontrollable crying, and a myriad of futile attempts to soothe him. As
pediatrician examined him, he applied eye drops, and asked the nurse turn off
the light. Holding a black light over his face he said, “Aha” and pointing to
Ben’s left eye “He has a corneal abrasion.”  

I would have never guessed that something was wrong
with his eye. I was certain he was having digestive problems. The veteran doc
sensed our bewilderment. He explained, “When babies flail their arms they sometimes
inadvertently scratch their eyes. Because of their lack of language and motor
skills, they cannot point to what hurts
nor can they tell us what hurts. In other words, they cannot localize their pain.”  


Like infants, there are
times when we are hurting and cannot detect the source of our pain. Times when a
little “Tylenol” will not do the trick. 
Times when we’ve run up against something less obvious and treating it
means first identifying its source.

This is when many seek the
help of counselors and spiritual directors.  Unable to fix what’s wrong, exploring the possibility of a spiritual
and emotional cause seems to be a sensible course of action. This can be a scary process.

The prospect of exploring wounds is scary. We’re afraid of uncovering painful stuff
we’ve gladly left behind. I know because for the last fifteen years I’ve done
just that. With the help of amazing counselors, spiritual directors and the
support of my wife and friends I’ve looked beneath the dark blanket of
depression, over the cliffs of fear and anxiety and walked into the raging
waters of grief—again, and again, and again.

Each time I’ve sought to
“localize” my pain I’ve discovered the Lord in a new way. Each journey to the
source of hurt has led me to an even more powerful source of life—God, who had
beat me to the scene. Every single time God meets me to shine light into my
darkness, hold me as I peered over the edge the abyss of abandonment and fear
and walks with me into the roaring waters of sadness and loss.

Ironically, the very thing I
feared would cripple me, freed me to walk into new life, deeper levels of
intimacy and allowed me greater availability to serve others.


 Localizing our pain will
always lead us to localize the power of God’s healing grace, already at work in
our lives.   

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The Vine and the Branches

July 21, 2010 By Leave a Comment

When I was a kid I loved watching Tarzan. There was
something mesmerizing about watching Johnny Weizmuller swing from aNapa_grapevines_900x1 vine while
belting out that trademark yodel (aside: treat yourself and go to www.youtube.com and type “Tarzan Yell” in
the search box. Johnny’s original is there along with a bunch of “would be”
Tarzans. Funny stuff!)
 

Needless to say, for most of my life whenever I heard
the word “vine” I thought of Tarzan. Gradually my little world opened up and
began to include Kudzu and Muscadine as other legitimate options. None of these
images helped me when it came to understanding this weekend’s gospel where
Jesus says:
 
Just as a branch cannot bear fruit on its own unless it remains on the vine, so neither can you unless you remain in me.
 



None of those vines, at least to me, had branches. Offshoots maybe, but branches? No.   



It wasn’t until I traveled to California that I began
to understand this passage. Driving North from San Francisco up Highway 1 leads
you into the heart of Wine Country. I was in awe of the literally thousands of
acres lined with rows of bush like vines, laden with grapes. Being nosy, I
stopped and got out to go take a closer look (trespass).

To my surprise, there
was nothing supporting these huge vines other than a mere wire extending the
length of the row.  

Keep in mind that a single grape vine can produce up
to 42 pounds of fruit. There is no way this one piece of wire could hold up
that much weight. I learned that the wire was a “form”, only there for the vine
to hook onto. Once started, it would then weave its branches around, on top of
and underneath the other branches.

It wasn’t the wire that supported those heavy branches—it was all of the branches
supporting each other.   
If I were to ask you, “How do you stay
connected to the Christ-Vine?” what would you say? I know what I would say. “Going to Church, frequent
reception of the sacraments, spiritual reading, retreats, giving alms, etc.”

 

These are important spiritual disciplines. But a
closer look into Jesus’ metaphor reveals that our most obvious support for
staying attached to the Christ-Vine is one
another.  

Henry David Thoreau once quipped, “Most men lead
lives of quiet desperation.” And while I appreciate his sentiment, I believe it
more fitting today to say that most folks lead lives of quiet isolation.   

I know that for me, when times are tough, when things
aren’t going right, when I’m down or discouraged I retreat into myself,
believing that I can “go it alone.” 

I’m learning (slowly) that growing as Christ's disciple does not mean being able to "go it alone" but being willing  support and
be supported by other branches on that same Vine.  



We are not offshoots from a pesky weed. Offshoots can
stand alone and are not fruitful.  
We are noble branches supporting one another, on a magnificent vine in the Lord's vinyard. 

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Staying Awake

July 18, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Thomas Edison, like most innovators, treasured ideas. He became  aware that he received
Edison his best ideas right as he was drifting off to sleep. For a while he unsuccessfully tried to capture his idea "gems" with a pad and pen by his bedside, only to awaken following morning knowing he had an idea, yet unable to remember what it was.

Edison was determined to capitalize on this "twilight state", that time between being awake and falling asleep. A time when he was most in tune with his creative genius. So one evening he placed two ball bearings in his closed fist upon which he rested his head for a nap. As he began falling asleep his hand collapsed and released the ball bearing. The resulting noise prevented him from drifting off and awakened him enough to capture his ideas.

Remaining awake is central to our spiritual journey. Praying, Fasting, abstaining and alms giving are like spiritual alarm clocks that help keep us from drifting into apathy and remain spiritually alert. God has gifts (grace) he wishes to give us. Lets not be sleeping when he's doling them out.

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Valuing People over “Ministry”

July 8, 2010 By 2 Comments

In our passionate attempts to share God's message with youth and young adults, we risk coming across to them like we care more about our message (which to them seems like an agenda) than we do about them.

When we care more about those with whom
we're sharing the
message than we do about our message, the chances of those people
hearing whatever we're saying, goes way up.

As we reach out to upcoming generations
of youth and young adults it is critical that we become intentional
about first demonstrating to them that our primary concern is about
them. 

Practical Ways of Demonstrating That We Prioritize People Over our Ministry

1. Ask questions. This shows them (kids, spouses, audiences) that you care about their opinion, not just your own.

2. Ask more questions. This shows them that you really care, because you're trying to clarify and make sure you understand them.

3. Listen to the answers. Sometimes if I don't understand I'll pause to think about what was said, or if the setting doesn't lend itself to that I'll ask to visit with the person afterward to dig deeper into the issue.

4. Really listen to the answers. Try to communicate back to them what you heard. Then ask "Am I hearing you correctly? Is that what you are trying to say?"

5. Don't judge the answers. Tone of voice, facial expressions and word choice here are important. If you've just asked somebody to tell you why they choose to contracept, have an abortion, be unfaithful, watch pornography, drink underage, smoke pot…and they tell you it is critical that as they trust you with that, you hold it in a non-judgmental way.

A Natural Way of Doing Ministry

I know it is often at odds with curriculums, bell schedules, soccer practice, program agendas and travel itineraries. And there will be time when those organizing aids need to come first. Yet prioritizing relationships with people, be them our children, clients, students, youth, young adults or parishioners requires us to be clear about who is our ministry and what is there to support our ministry.

Go Deeper

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